Hawaii, the end...or just half way?

The finger hovers over keys that sit behind a glass screen and the mind is unsure upon which way to go. It searches for a way to articulate a truth which it doesn't seem to fully grasp, but as the days tick by the time to write some lines becomes more accessible.

I arrived to Hawaii after a 17 day crossing from the Marquises. Tired and at low ebb I fell into a comfy hotel for a couple of nights whilst Aisling lay to a mooring in just a few metres of water in Reeds Bay, just by the port in Hilo.

Hilo was never going to give me a secure anchorage and after a few days I set sail for Honokohau on the western side of the island, a 24 hour passage through the night with about an hours sleep when I hove to just north of the harbour in the pre dawn.

Entry into the harbour was fairly straight forward. And expanse of boats, mainly motor cruisers, sitting in a basin that had been blasted out of the lava. Following an intensive inspection of my boat by the harbour authorities, i was allocated a temporary berth inside. A sheer joy to be alongside for the first time since being in the small marina in Huelvo, back in Chile, mid February.

It's the first time I've berthed in an English speaking country for over a year and it makes life much easier.

After two days in Honokohau I came to a deep seated realisation, that I wanted my trip to be over. Having sailed 18000 miles in the last year and a half, I was tired, the longer passages were no longer enjoyable, I realised how isolated was the life I was living and I felt a need to be around people and to be settled, to make a passage of a different kind, quite possibly harder than the one I had just made, launch myself into the arena of human relationships, connections, intimacy, all the stuff I've been trying to avoid for years!

I pretty much made the decision to quit and thought about how to sell my boat and what to do with all of the contents. It seems that the universe had other ideas...

I established that to sell my boat here in the US is in violation of the Cruising Permit that I had been issued with in Hilo. I was also told beyond doubt that I wasn't allowed to leave my boat in the harbour and fly off for a break. My options were thinning down rapidly to just one, keep on going...

And so it is that here I am a week later. I've ordered charts from a store in Florida for the Indian Ocean and I'm waiting for a surge of enthusiasm that will take me back out into the high seas. The route westward sounds exotic, The Solomons, Papua New Guinea, Indonesia, Sri Lanka, South Africa, about another 15000 miles, mostly in the trades. The season is right to head out that way and Hawaii is a great place to fix stuff and reprovision.

I've met some great people here, we are going out camping tonight and for a reccy around the island. The weather is bearable and mercifully cooler at night, I've got 50 different brands of peanut butter to choose from and I found Pataks curry spice paste in a deli, so it's not all bad.

I'm really having to examine and reflect upon my reasons for doing this, the why to carry on, what can I learn, how will it help me, after all, I did originally see this trip as part of my road to actualisation!

Perhaps this is all about letting go of dreams, ideas, visions, fabricating false identities, learning to be here now. Learning how to connect with myself and the people that I meet along the way. Reframing some habitual negative perspectives in my ongoing journey. Learning to love, to be loved, to be love, and trying to manage all the gooey sticky meh that arises along the way.

The journey continues!